Our journey has involved a lot of research… mostly spearheaded by me and then presented to R. After all, I seem to run the Research Institute of Research in our house.
We get asked on a regular basis about whether or not we have explored a surrogate as a means of having our family. The general answer is “Yes”. There is, however, so much more to it!
In the media and television we see a lot of stories about surrogacy, which cause us to believe that it is readily accessible. It is a difficult endeavor if you live in Canada, are both males and aren’t prepared/able to pay the 100k+ price tag it could cost by going through a U.S agency.
Canadian law actually prohibits individuals from paying someone to be a surrogate for you. In fact, if it is discovered that you have you could be facing huge fines and possible jail time. There are some strange parts of the law such as “you will not knowingly clone a human”,”Can not implant a fetus of a non human into a human”. Things I have no intention of doing, nor do I think it is biologically possible for a human to carry a non human… but anyway…
The specific part of the act that is tricky is that you can not advertise your desire to become a surrogate or place an ad looking for a surrogate, nor can you compensate someone for doing so. You are able to reimburse for expenses associated, but that is the extent.
So where does that leave a couple like ours? I’ll tell you it isn’t easy. Firstly you need to find someone who loves you enough to help make your dream come true and carry your baby. Secondly, seeing as neither of us produce eggs, we would then have to find someone who would not only carry your baby but be willing to use their egg. The alternative is to find an egg donor and then find a surrogate. No easy task.
Two women have the good fortune of hopefully one could carry and then find a donor for insemination. In the grand scheme of things, a somewhat easier process, but obviously not without its challenges.
To answer the question, “Have you considered a surrogate?”. We think about it everyday, but it isn’t a something one brings up over coffee or sitting at the bus stop.