The Surrogacy Challenge.. What a Difference a Womb Makes

Our journey has involved a lot of research… mostly spearheaded by me and then presented to  R.  After all, I seem to run the Research Institute of Research in our house.

We get asked on a regular basis about whether or not we have explored a surrogate as a means of having our family.  The general answer is “Yes”.  There is, however, so much more to it!

In the media and television we see a lot of stories about surrogacy, which cause us to believe that it is readily accessible.  It is a difficult endeavor if you live in Canada, are both males and aren’t prepared/able to pay the 100k+ price tag it could cost by going through a U.S agency.

Canadian law actually prohibits individuals from paying someone to be a surrogate for you.  In fact, if it is discovered that you have you could be facing huge fines and possible jail time. There are some strange parts of the law such as “you will not knowingly clone a human”,”Can not implant a fetus of a non human into a human”. Things I have no intention of doing, nor do I think it is biologically possible for a human to carry a non human…  but anyway…   dolly-and-bonny_523x618

The specific part of the act that is tricky is that you can not advertise your desire to become a surrogate or place an ad looking for a surrogate, nor can you compensate someone for doing so.  You are able to reimburse for expenses associated, but that is the extent.

So where does that leave a couple like ours?  I’ll tell you it isn’t easy.  Firstly you need to find someone who loves you enough to help make your dream come true and carry your baby.  Secondly, seeing as neither of us produce eggs, we would then have to find someone who would not only carry your baby but be willing to use their egg.  The alternative is to find an egg donor and then find a surrogate.  No easy task.

Two women have the good fortune of hopefully one could carry and then find a donor for insemination.  In the grand scheme of things, a somewhat easier process, but obviously not without its challenges.

Michael and RobTo answer the question, “Have you considered a surrogate?”.  We think about it everyday, but it isn’t a something one brings up over coffee or sitting at the bus stop.

January 27, 2015.. Best. Day. Ever

It was the evening of our 11th anniversary, and we had just returned home from work.  The plan was for us to go out for dinner to celebrate our 11 wonderful years together, and have a date night.  I got dinner ready for Rob’s Dad (he lives with us), and then away we went.

As we are driving to the restaurant, I noticed that we were deviating from the typical route.  I asked Rob “Where are we going?”, to which he informed me we just had to make a quick stop.  We began to pull into the parking lot of the coffee shop where we had our very first date 11 years ago.  My stomach fluttered as it always does when Rob does something romantic.  I explained to him the coffee shop has been closed down for a couple of years now, and he said that he knew but wanted to come to where “it all began”. Then he parked and turned to me and began to speak.

“This is where it all started 11 years ago, and everyday I love you more. This has been a long time coming, and I should have done it years ago”.  At this point he began to reach into his pocket (I began having an internal dialogue..OMG is this it? Is he proposing?).  He pulled out a ring box, opened it to the perfect ring and said in the most confident tone “Will you marry me?”.  My response? Well.. it wasn’t as I had rehearsed for the past 11 years.  I responded with “Shut your mouth!”  Then a “Yes”.

The ring!!!
The ring!!!

Rob proceeded to explain that we have been planning and talking about a baby since we first got together.  Everything we have accomplished together was so that we could be ready and provide a baby with the best life and love possible.  He further explained that he knew it was important to me that we were married as well when we finally start our family.  He then said “Its time, lets find our baby”.

I began to cry.  We have built our home with a huge backyard, for our future child.  We have grown our careers to a very successful point, so we would be ready to provide our child with all of the opportunities. Along the way, we held off on starting the process because I wanted everything to be perfect for our future child.

It was then, in that moment in the vehicle, looking into Rob’s eyes that I realized everything WAS perfect.  It was time.. time for us to grow our family, and time to truly make our lives complete with a child and share the love that we have.

So begins our journey.  This blog will chronicle our journey, and eventually our lives as fathers.