Crying on the street? No, there is something in my eye…

I’m currently in Toronto on business and took some time last night to wander the village.

Tourist shot
Tourist shot

 

As per usual it was all a buzz with action, people and the like. I like to get away and immerse myself in the hustle and bustle of a bigger city now and then, the energy can beintoxicating, while at the same time it makes me thankful for the quiet relaxed pace at home.

I took some time to browse through the massive Indigo store in Eaton Centre. Their children’s section is incredible… HUGE. I found a number of books that I’ve written down for when our baby arrives. They were children’s books that are reflective of what our family will be like.  I think that it is important to have these as a jumping point to address questions and normalize to an extent what it means to have two Dad’s.

Stella Brings The Family - By Miriam B. Schiffer
Stella Brings The Family – By Miriam B. Schiffer

That being said, what I don’t like about these books is that each one of them has the same message.  “Some people have 1 Mom, some people have two, some have 1 Dad and others have two”. Good message, but I want books that just happen to have two Dad’s and not always trying to drive home the same message at nauseum.

This has inspired me that maybe I need to write a few children’s books, if anything just so I can have them for our child.  Hmmm.. I either have to take an art class or find myself an illustrator.

After leaving the book store, I walked further along and made my way along Church street.  The air was thick with humidity and people were making their way into the bars and patios.  I reflected back on the time in my life where that is exactly where I would have been going on a night like this. My priorities have changed and I find myself becoming consumed with the thought of becoming a Dad. My mind was drifting to thoughts of our future baby and our life together, I was making mental lists of things we can do, trips to take as a family… really I was all over the map.  Just ahead of me I saw a stroller coming off a side street.  I’m more aware of these now a days.  I see a stroller and I note the model, type and functionality. Then I noticed the couple pushing the stroller were two Dad’s.

I’m not sure whether to blame it on my being tired, the heat or where my mind set was, but I felt a wave of emotion creeping up on me.  I could feel the tightening of my chest, the flush in my cheeks and then the tears.  Why was I crying?  I’ve seen couples out with their babies a million times, and it has never reduced me to tears.  Was it that I was better able to visualize my future?  I’m not sure what it was, but thank goodness for large dark sunglasses or people would have noticed.  I decided to sit under a nearby tree and regroup.  I’ll blame my lapse in emotional control on the heat, or maybe… something was just in my eye.  I saw my future, and it was beautiful.

Just Keep Swimming!

We have been moving along steadily in the Home Study process, truth be told, I am loving it.  Yes you read that correctly.  Prior to starting our adoption journey the Home Study was the part of the process that I dreaded the most.  I think that it was mostly the fear of the unknown.

We wondered, “What questions would be asked?”, “Would it feel intrusive?” and most importantly “Will we pass?”

So far we have completed a 3 hour meeting as a couple, reviewing our SAFE questionnaires and expanding on our responses to provide clarity.  “Meredith” has done an amazing job of just making the whole process very conversational.  We respect the process, and there have not been any questions that don’t make sense.  We each then had one on one meetings with our social worker “Meredith” to do dive deeper on our history, learn more about each of us and also answer several more questions.  Rob’s was about 3.5 hours long and mine was 3 hours long.

I know it sounds like long sessions, and what could possibly be covered?!  Well I can tell you that no stone is left unturned.  Parenting is a big responsibility, and we both  have 40 years of history to cover.  Coming through the process, you reflect back on how you were raised and your experiences growing up and your parents.  Dory

It helped me to articulate that I had a pretty amazing childhood, full of opportunity, love and support.  It also helped me to see just how amazing my parents are, and what an incredible job they did raising us.  As kids we never had any worries, we could just be kids and learn, explore and grow.. knowing that if we stumbled, my Mom and Dad were always there to pick us up and dust us off.  I was very luck.  I’ve also realized that they have been a huge influence on me and are truly my role models for parenthood and in my relationships.  I just can’t believe what they were able to do, given that they had me when my Mom was 19 and my Dad was 21.

Our next and presumably final step in the home study is to actually have a home visit.  This will take place next week and will be a chance for “Meredith” to see our home, the neighbourhood, spend time with R’s Dad and check for safety concerns.  We’ll also talk more about our relationship as a couple, some financial stuff.. and then next step a full report and hopefully the stamp of “approval”

Until then, we just keep moving along.  As Dory says we are going to “Just Keep Swimming”.